Blackey: Once upon a time, where the land was grand, there lay a wee little Munchkin out in the field.
Ricky: This wee little Munchkin was attacked by the ugliest troll alive, his name, Mr Rushton, the Troll King.
Danny: But Wee little munchkin was learned in the magic of “mexican jumping beans”, and with a yelp, He summoned a herd, or better yet, a omnipotence, of small green objects with handlebar mustaches.
Blackey: 1 by 1 the small green objected creatures began bolting towards the terrible demonised troll that was Rushton, they fly, they hopped, they sprang their way forwardm eyes glowing a deep scarlet red, pure vengence was held within, as they faught for there rightful owner, ‘The Wee Little Munchkin’.
Ricky: As the green objected creatures drew closer to Rushton, they began throwing headless woodlice at him, followed by ketchup filled water ballons.
Danny: Exactly how they did this is still a mystery today, seeing as Mexican jumping Beans have no arms or legs, and have a chronic phobia of woodlouse heads, so said woodlice must have been decapitated prior to the magical onslaught.
Blackey: This may be the case, but this did not stop them forming a giant body, swamming they managed to lob each ballon into the crotch of the troll, ‘good aiming my minions’ said The Wee Little Munchkin, ‘Now this ’ the munchikin points to a deadly looking giant NY AN Cat ‘Use this to gain speed and become the ultimate ones!!!!’
Ricky: The giant body picked up the power-up, and started flashing with a random familiar music sound coming from no where, the little Munchkin had threw at them a Star Power pick up rather than the Nyan Cat..
Danny: The power of Starman sank deep into the individual, fleshy souls of each Mexican Jumping Bean with such force that they promptly transformed into maniacally depressed snails. These snails, miraculously, removed their shells, and threw them forcefully at the exposed navel of The Troll King, who yelped in mournful agony.
Blackey: The Magical Jumping Bean Depressed Snails had began to cheer, for they had defeated the Troll King. HOWEVER! This was not all it seemed, from out of no-where the Troll King began to transform, it’s body morphed and curled itself into a new transfor-being! It had become THE ULTIMATE TROLLER! Where had this creature cropped up from? Was it the demonised Troll that had laid in wait …
Ricky: No one knew the true answer to this, but that didn’t stop the Magical Jumping Bean Depressed Snails launching an onslaugh of attacks against the Ultimate Troll.
Danny: The Ultimate Troller was ready for this, With laptop in hand, it proceeded to blog feverishly about how much it was “fangasming” and “LMFAO“‘ing, and it was seemingly unaware of the recent court meeting of the Mexican Jumping Bean Depressed Snail… Work Experience Commitee.
Blackey: As the Ultimate Troller continued typing away with his ‘O Em Gee”s and ‘I so cnt bleave u r saying tht’ He didn’t notice the sudden approach of hundreds NO MILLIONS of Ninja Jumping Snails testing there work experience out He was sufficated under the mass of little minions.
Ricky: And little did the Ultimate Troller know, these Ninja Jumping Snails were hired by the amazing minds of the ONMers. To crawl into his head and eat what little bit of brain he had left.
Danny: In truth, the ONMerS were controlling the Ninja jumping Snails via 3G internet. Only the brightest of ONMerS were selected for this, whereas the more.. let’s say “street wise” ONMerS began to build an Ice Cream Stall shaped like a scale model of Vespiquen.
Blackey: As the street wise ONMerS Began the construction work, it soon occured to the ONMer who went by the name of Algar that in all certaintanty the Ultimate Troll was infact a genuinly nice chap!
Ricky: He just liked the worst branded consoles out there, the Microfail 3shi**y. But still, none of the ONMers trusted this troll, they all knew he still had plenty of bad in him.
Danny: In an attempt to appease the Ultimate Troll, the valiant Algar skipped flamboyantly over, with a Triple-Decker Fudge-Mallow special. Algars Lord, Madame Kemp, disapprved of this.. she believed the Ultimate troll would much prefer banana, but they were being eaten “amzingly” by Mr. Christopher Eccleston, who was certain of their Potassium-based invigorations.
Blackey: As the whole of ONM stood in a gaze at the valiant Algar approaching the Troll they watched as the Troll opened his mouth as if to speak…
Ricky: The Troll took in a deep breath and shouted to all the ONMers ‘Nintendo sucks. I’m a CoD noob!’ as Algar looked at him in disbeliefe.
Danny: With this outrageous comment still lingering in the air like a Harrier SWAT Recon Plane… Resident Preist Niamh McGuinness deflected the Troll-ish statement with an un-earthly belch which would continue its sonorus insult for many aeons to come.
Blackey: As the Troll gasped with shock, he did not expect ONMerS to pack such a punch. He was thrown back and almost toppled over like a great elephant on stilts.
Ricky: The Troll fell backwards, into the open mouth of a Kirby, who then used Clone… But not only did he close the Troll, he cloned himself..
Danny: The Cloned Kirby had a brief moment of mental pneumonia, where in his brain turned to vigorously whipped pillowcases. Obviously, this ended up on him inventing his own religion, and off he strolled, thinking up new ideas for checkered vestments, leaving the original Kirby, now a cloned Troll, all by its ‘ickle self.
Blackey: As the Kirby trotted off it left a small trail of unbeleivable cute miniature Troll behind, each one of them having a rather cute feature like big eys, or a big nose, each one had a personality of it’s own. As the ONMerS watch in amazmeant at the small trolls following their ‘mummy’ they couldn’t help but go ‘Aaaaw’ They all begin following the Cloned Kirby and soon become part of the religion That is to come. But what they don’t know is the evil plan the mini trolls are yet to come up with…
To Be Continued ..
